To mark World Naked Gardening Day today, LawnStarter has uncovered 2023’s best U.S. cities for naked gardening. The company compared the 200 biggest U.S. cities based on nudist population size, indecent exposure laws, and, of course, gardener-friendliness. They also looked at weather forecasts, access to waxing salons, and sex offender listings, among 12 total metrics. Here’s their bare-it-all report. Though be warned: only read ahead if you don’t mind “cheeky” content!
Miami seems intent on being this year’s Naked Gardening Capital. The Magic City lost the title to Austin in 2022 but regained its mojo in 2023. Most of the other top(less) cities in LawnStarter’s ranking scored high in Nude Gardener-Friendliness and Local Interest but show mixed results in Weather Forecast and Safety.
At the rear end of our ranking are mostly cold, northern cities like Sioux Falls, SD, in last place, St. Paul, MN (No. 197), and Anchorage, AK (No. 194). Most of these cities are the worst performers in Nude Gardener-Friendliness, with some exceptions in other categories, including Local Interest and Safety. For the full rankings, click here.
- Stick It Where the Sun Shines: Florida’s biggest cities aren’t shy to reveal their most skintimate sides. Four of the five cities with the most nudists (when adjusted by total population) are located in the Sunshine State, including Orlando at No. 1.
- Unrequited Love: Among our bottom 10, one city stands out: St. Paul, MN (No. 193). Minneapolis’ twin clearly has a soft spot for nude gardening — it ranked No. 15 in related Google searches. (Minneapolis actually finished No. 9 in this metric but ranked 78 spots higher overall.) However, St. Paul prefers its residents to stay decent while planting their bulbs — the city ranked third-worst overall in nude gardener-friendliness.
- Wild Swings: If you plan to garden in the buff today, stay out of Spokane, WA, the city with the highest forecasted wind speed at 17 mph. That’s what the National Weather Service considers a “moderate breeze,” enough to “move small branches” and perhaps other loose bits from your undercarriage.
- Midnight in the Garden of Lewd and Evil: Generally, nudity on private property is outlawed in the U.S., but intention matters. You could land jail time by baring more than just your green thumb in your garden — if you intend to be “lewd” or to arouse others within eyeshot. Austin, Philadelphia, and Seattle (the birthplace of World Naked Gardening Day) are among the five cities that let gardeners use their hoes with nothing but gloves. Make sure to read up on your local indecent-exposure rules beforehand — and consider a privacy fence.
- Fruitloose: New Yorkers don’t just love to let their tomatoes and eggplants dangle from a vertical plant wall — they’re interested in letting gravity take the wheel while watering their veggie gardens. The Big Apple placed first in both urban gardening-friendliness and Google searches for naked gardening-related terms.
- Thou Shalt Not Steal.. a Glance: Loot someone else’s harvest, and you’ll be slapped with trespassing and theft charges at minimum. Peeping could land you in more legal hot water. Naked green thumbs hailing from Santa Clarita, CA, need not worry so much about guarding their crops — or the family jewels. The city registered the fewest sex offenders per capita.
- A Cut Above — or Below: Bushes overgrown? Whether a dense thicket has formed in your garden or below your gardening tool belt, Miami is the best place for trimming both your actual and personal lawns. The Magic City outranked the competition in both gardening supplies (No. 1) and hair removal services per square mile (No. 2).